Top Nine Weird Things About Me

As promised, I gave it two minutes a lot of thought, and came up with a list of nine weird things about myself. And despite the fact that coming up with NINE WEIRD THINGS about myself alone was enough to wear me out, I even expressed number one in a drawing. You’re welcome.

9. I eat with my left hand, but do everything else with my right.

8. As a [stupid] fourth-grader, I rolled a piece of Scotch tape backwards, put it on the end of a pencil, and stuck it in my left ear because I have no idea why. When I couldn’t get it out, I told my teacher I had an earache so she would let me go to the school nurse. The [blind] school nurse looked in my ear, but saw nothing unusual, so life went on. A year or so later, my [very observant] pediatrician noticed some type of foreign object lodged in my left ear and irrigated the hell out of it until — big surprise coming in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . — a rolled piece of Scotch tape fell out. The reward for my stupidity would be a permanent low-frequency hearing loss and tinnitus in my left ear. In other words, I can’t hear a damn thing in my left ear except the constant ringing in my left ear. [And, no, this experience was not what inspired me to become a nurse.]

7. I rarely brush my teeth before bed (I know, I know, ewwwww. Sue me.) but I haven’t had a cavity in over twenty years.

6. When my husband buys me a gift or plans something special for me, I whine to him that “I hate surprises” until he gives in and spills the beans. The truth? I love surprises. I’m just a big. fat. impatient. whiny. baby.

5. My birth name is Jennifer, but I’ve always been called Jenny. I was taught to spell it with a “y” and did so until the 8th grade when I decided that everyone named Jenny spelled it with a “y” and that [being thirteen years old] I wanted to be different. So I started spelling it with an “i”. Different, huh? Shut up. So, for twenty years, I was Jenni. Some time after my 35th birthday, I realized (not for the first time) what a stupid teenager I was and went back to Jenny. With a “y”. When I remember to spell it that way. Which is hardly ever. Oh well.

4. In my Firefox Bookmarks, I have arranged my blogroll in alphabetical order. Not necessarily weird but definitely anal. But when I read the blogs on my blogroll in my Firefox Bookmarks, I do it in reverse alphabetical order. Maybe more OCD than weird. I tried.

3. Every night at bedtime, Rob asks me which pillow I want. Fluffy or flat. I always pick the fluffy one. Because it’s fluffy. And, ahhhh. Then, every night at about 3am, I wake Rob up and ask him to switch pillows with me. Because I have absolutely no idea why.

2. You know how when you’re in the shower washing and rinsing your hair you get a lot of stray hairs that have fallen out all over your hands? And so you pick the hairs off your hands and put them on the shower wall? And after the shower, you get some toilet paper and wipe the hairs into it and toss it into the toilet and don’t flush because gawd why waste five gallons of water for some hair and two squares of toilet paper? And the next time your husband goes to pee he yells at you through the house like a lunatic about “JEE-ZUS would you PLEASE flush your damn hairball next time? Because GAG.”?

Me neither.

1. The number one weird thing about me is . . . drumroll please . . . my big toes. My big toes have what can only be referred to as “extra skin” on the inside. Which makes them look . . . um . . . porky. But it’s not my fault and I can prove it. My father and his mother (my grandmother) both have the same exact “extra skin” on their toes. I would have taken pictures, but I’m overdue for a pedicure. So, instead, I traced my toe and created some VERY PROFESSIONAL AND ANATOMICALLY CORRECT illustrations for you. Have a looksee:

My Right Big Toe, Today, Pre-Op

Extra Skin that Needs to Be Surgically Removed

My Right Big Toe, Post-Op

Thanks a million for the tag Kristie.

I hope you feel normal now.