Guess what came in the mail yesterday. Yes, as seen above, the Crash Test Household has been invited to become a Nielsen family. No, really. At first I was as shocked as you are now, but I did some Googling and Wikipedia-ing and rest assured the process for selection is ENTIRELY RANDOM, so it’s not like the Nielsen people are recognizing ours as a family of movers and shakers or anything.
I sense your overwhelming relief.
You can also see in the above photo, the Nielsen people are not averse to BRIBING us to allow them to monitor our television watching habits so that they may compile those habits and pass them on to Television Network Big Wigs who then use the information to decide which shows to renew and which ones to cancel and all I have to say is THEY ARE IN LUCK because I am not averse to accepting those bribes.
Also, in the spirit of the game, I would like to announce that the line for bribing me to save your favorite shows forms to the left. I accept money order, cash, and credit cards through PayPal. All bribes are non-refundable.
Oh, and one last thing, you better believe it will cost you A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN FIVE DOLLARS to secure a fourth season of Rock of Love or another Bachelor wedding and I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING.
On an unrelated note, I have now typed and proofread the words “bribe” and “bribing” enough times that I just now had to go to webster.com to double-check the spelling. The human brain is so weird wierd weird.
HHMMMPP~ my packagae only had TWO dollars in it!
Then I wouldn’t watch a single television show until they ponied up the other $3.
Wait….
We feel so proud and overwhelmed to have you in the family………..haha Now, hand over some of that cash…lol
It was pretty funny, I opened the envelope and shook the contents onto the counter (I never reach my hands into an envelope anymore and I would like to take a moment to say “Thanks, Osama Bin Laden. You ruined mail for everyone.”) and the five ones fell out and I absolutely GASPED, like they were hundreds or something. Because, you know, FREE MONEY IS STILL MONEY NO MATTER HOW SMALL THE AMOUNT.
You are funny, my dear. Though I’m pretty sure the shows I like, most watch willingly because they are made of awesome.