Guess what came in the mail yesterday. Yes, as seen above, the Crash Test Family has been invited to become a Nielsen family. No, really. At first I was as shocked as you are now, but I did some Googling and Wikipedia-ing and rest assured the process for selection is ENTIRELY RANDOM, so it’s not like the Nielsen people are recognizing ours as a family of movers and shakers or anything.

I sense your overwhelming relief.

You can also see in the above photo, the Nielsen people are not averse to BRIBING us to allow them to monitor our television watching habits so that they may compile those habits and pass them on to Television Network Big Wigs who then use the information to decide which shows to renew and which ones to cancel and all I have to say is THEY ARE IN LUCK because I am not averse to accepting those bribes.

Also, in the spirit of the game, I would like to announce that the line for bribing me to save your favorite shows forms to the left. I accept money order, cash, and credit cards through PayPal. All bribes are non-refundable.

Oh, and one last thing, you better believe it will cost you A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN FIVE DOLLARS to secure a fourth season of Rock of Love or another Bachelor wedding and I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING.

On an unrelated note, I have now typed and proofread the words “bribe” and “bribing” enough times that I just now had to go to webster.com to double-check the spelling. The human brain is so weird wierd weird.

Up to now, I have been undecided as to whether or not I will be attending BlogHer ’10 in New York City this August. I went to BlogHer ’08 in San Francisco and had a great time at the conference. Unfortunately, I had a scary airplane ride between San Francisco and Las Vegas on my way home, and haven’t flown since that day. Therein lies my apprehension about making a decision regarding this year’s conference.

New York City is quite a drive from Tulsa, you see. So, I think I would probably have no choice but to fly. Most likely.

Today I found out that Digital Mommy is having a giveaway and the winner receives a full conference pass to BlogHer ’10 — a $298 value. To be entered in the giveaway, bloggers are required to write a post about what they do or do not know about “affiliate marketing”. I figured that would be easy enough since I know NOTHING about affiliate marketing. I literally have no idea what a marketing blog does. Post about what I do not know? No problem. Done. Next?

For extra entries, I can also sign up for newsletter updates and/or put a Murray Newlands Fan Club badge on my sidebar. Signing up for the updates is a no-brainer, but my sidebar is hot property, so I had to give that one a little thought. Once I clicked over to the website to check out the image of the badge, I was convinced. I mean, look over there at Mr. Newlands. Any guy with a coif like that totally deserves some webspace on a blog called Crash Test Mommy. AM I RIGHT?

Anyway, I think I am thusly awarded three total entries. My plan is to let the universe decide whether I will be attending BlogHer in the fall. In other words, if I win a free pass I will attend.

Now, in the event I AM awarded a free conference pass, whether or not I will FLY ON AN ACTUAL AIRPLANE to New York City will be decided by my trusty Magic 8 Ball.

Oh, come on. You knew that was coming.

… wow, for doing close to nothing all day, I am REALLY tired …

… I didn’t even take a Melatonin, but I’m already drowsy enough to fall asleep …

… as soon as Rob GETS SITUATED OVER THERE, I should doze right off …

… I wonder if he checked the front door …

Me: “Did you check the front door?” Him: “No.” Me: “GREAT.”

… I should go check the front door …

… I’m sure it’s locked, the only times we left today we went out through the garage …

… if I don’t go check it then I’ll lay here good and awake thinking about it, but if I go check it I’ll be good and awake from THE GOING AND CHECKING IT …

[exasperated sigh directed at Rob, covers thrown back, much stomping to the front door which A-HA! WAS UNLOCKED!, much stomping back to bed, exasperated sign directed at Rob, grab covers back over body, Rob now snoring]

… well now I’m good and awake — crap …

… I wish I had cleaned out my Inbox before I got in bed …

… I should go take a Melatonin …

… crapcrapcrapcrap …

… no, I’m going to lay here quietly and listen to my breathing until I fall Can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you, been here all along, so why can’t you see-ee-ee OHMYGOD NOT THAT TAYLOR SWIFT SONG IN MY HEAD AGAIN!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!! You belong with me-ee-ee I WILL NOT THINK OF THAT SONG I WILL NOT THINK OF THAT SONG I WILL NOT THINK OF THAT SONG …

… okay, calm, breathe, inhale, exhale, listen to breathing, there that’s working — a little …

… I’ll bet it’s cool to be Lady Gaga and have the money to buy anything you like to wear to those red carpet thingys or better yet be given things to wear by designers who are dying for you to wear their stuff …

… FOCUS ON BREATHING FOOOOOOCUS ONNNN BREEEEATHINGGGGG …

… even though I’m pretty sure Gaga found that number she wore on the Grammys tonight at Ringling & Brothers, but still …

… FOCUS! …

… also, why do all the uber-rich celebrities organize telethons when there is a disaster instead of just each one of them donating a few million of their own, I mean they all get paid ten or twelve million for a few weeks work, right? I’m not against charity and dogooding, but still, SEEMS OBVIOUS TO ME …

… Standing by and waiting at your backdoor, all this time, how could you not know bay-bee-ee-ee you belong with me-ee-ee, OHMYGOD HOW DO I KNOW ALL THE LYRICS TO THIS SONG?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You belong with me …

… THAT’S IT! I’M GOING TO THE BATHROOM RIGHT! NOW! FOR A MELATONIN! …

… right after I clean out my Inbox …

—————

UPDATED TO ADD: Since writing this post this morning, I now ONCE AGAIN have the Taylor-Swift-song-that-shall-not-be-named stuck in my head. I knew I was taking a risk by referencing it in my post, but I made the sacrifice for you, dear reader. Because everything I do, I do it for you.