I know it’s such a cliched thing to say but WOW are my kids growing up. Jake (15) will be getting his driver’s permit soon, Jenna (13) is flying through the bra sizes, Emma (6) can put her own hair in a ponytail, and Katelynn (4 next month) is starting ALL DAY PRE-KINDERGARTEN in the fall. Some days I look at them and think oh my god where did the time go?
And other days I think oh my god the time isn’t going fast enough.
Take yesterday for example.
My internal clock roused me from a good night’s sleep at 9:15 a.m. The downstairs was very quiet and I could hear water running in the upstairs bathroom.
Unbeknownst to me, Rob had left for the gym at 8:30 without so much as a warning that the only people awake and in charge of the three- and six-year-old were the three- and six-year-old. And the dog.
I would be the one to pay for his information omission since while I slept apparently the dog didn’t have enough sense to stop the girls from standing in the middle of the kitchen floor and cracking nine eggs (NINE. EGGS. NIIIIINE.) over one another’s heads, rubbing their bodies with the yolks and whites (of NINE EGGS) and then trying to conceal their crime by smearing the runoff (of — did I mention — NINE EGGS) into the whole of my hardwood kitchen floor then dripping their way through the house to the upstairs bathroom to wash off the evidence before I busted them.
On days like that, I find myself wondering if the local inpatient psychiatric hospital takes walk-ins. And I find myself thanking the sweet baby Jesus that at least they didn’t experiment with putting the dog in the dryer.