My Dearest TiVo,

Hey baby.

Just a quick note to say that I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and wanted you to know just how much happiness you have brought to my life.

A few years ago, before we met, I was in one of those one-sided, emotionally vacant relationships with the Digital Cable Box and I thought that because I was getting reminders when my favorite shows were getting ready to start, that my life was complete.

You turned that all upside down.

You showed me that there is so much more to TV viewing and that I shouldn’t be afraid to raise my expectations. Because I deserve more. Because I am worth it. Until you, I never believed.

I know we’ve had our share of misunderstandings. I said some things I really didn’t mean a few weeks ago when I thought you forgot to record the eviction-ceremony-episode of Big Brother. When I figured out that CBS had changed the name in the program guide from Big Brother: Til Death Do Us Part to Big Brother 9 and I apologized I know you said you forgave me, but I also know you were deeply hurt. You must have felt as if I had been just using you all this time. I can never say “I’m sorry” enough. And, I feel I have to tell you once more from my heart that no matter what I said, I never thought you were a WorthlessPieceofShit.

Shh. Don’t cry.
We’ll get past it honey.

You are one of the best parts of my life. With your Fast-Forward button, you have made it possible for me to skip commercials entirely, freeing up 27% more time to watch other shows. With your Delete, you have given me the freedom to pick and choose which pieces of Oprahganda to expose myself and my family to. With your Series Record Option, you have given me the ability to keep up with the Kardashians.

For all that, and SO MUCH MORE, I sincerely thank you.

Don’t ever change.

Yours til death or the next big thing comes along whichever’s first,
Jenny