I was twittering* the other day and one of my homies mentioned the Wayback Machine website which was completely new to me. Basically it’s a site that indexes the archives of all the internets.

Kind of like a DeLorean Google.

So to test the Wayback Machine’s flux capacitor, I typed in my blog’s old domain, jennyology.net, and up popped the jennyology archives. I clicked on a couple of links and was pleasantly surprised to discover several entries that for any number of unknown reasons didn’t make it over to crashtestmommy.net when I moved my database.

Entries that I TOTALLY FORGOT OR BLOCKED OUT having written.

Because I wrote them a year and a half ago and I have slept since then and also am probably coming down with early-onset Alzheimer’s from all the deodorant I use and most likely also because I never take my Ginkgo Biloba since I can never remember to take it.

Anyway.

I have decided to pain-stakingly copy and paste each one of these entries into thishereblog for posterity and your reading enjoyment and I will create a new category called LOST AND FOUND and I will henceforth tag each entry as such when I bring them over. LOOK! there’s one now!

As you read those old entries and pee yourself from the hilarity that is my life — AND YOU WILL — be sure and say a prayer to thank the Sweet Baby Jesus that God and these people invented the Wayback Machine. Because that is what I’ll be doing at bedtime tonight.

After all, like my tagline says, it’s all evidence for my insanity plea.

And I WILL need it someday.

* If you don’t know what twitter is yet ch-check it out. It’s “a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?” Kinda like Facebook meets IM. Or something.

I hope he at least did a little sorting while he was there.

While on our recent roadtrip, I engaged my mother in some titillating conversation regarding the Barbara Walters special, “Live to Be 150 … Can You Do It?”

Here’s how that went:

Me: “Did you hear about that Barbara Walters special on living to be one hundred and fifty years old?”

Mom: “Yeah! Can you imagine? Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”

Me: “Ummm, not really. I don’t want to know what I would look like at 150. Not to mention feel like. Why would you want to live to be that old?”

Mom: “Just to see everything that would happen in the future.”

Me: “Yeah, but even if you die tomorrow it’s not like you’re gonna know that you missed out on seeing that stuff and feel bad about it. It’s like when someone dies young and everyone is so sad saying ‘She never got to graduate college and get married and have children,’ and all that. Really, the sad part is that the people left behind never got to see the dead person do those things. It’s not like the dead person’s soul is somewhere feeling bitter about it.”

Mom: “I guess. But then how old do you think you would like to live to be?”

Me: “Well, if I could just live long enough to raise my kids to adulthood and take a few vacations with Rob to see some other parts of the world, that would make me happy. I don’t know, like around 60 or 65 years old.”

Mom (who will be 59 this year): “OHMYGOSHNO! That’s too young! Don’t you want to live long enough to see your children have children and spend time with your grandchildren?!”

Me: “Nah. I don’t really like other people’s kids.”

(Except yours. I love your kids.)

My Dearest TiVo,

Hey baby.

Just a quick note to say that I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and wanted you to know just how much happiness you have brought to my life.

A few years ago, before we met, I was in one of those one-sided, emotionally vacant relationships with the Digital Cable Box and I thought that because I was getting reminders when my favorite shows were getting ready to start, that my life was complete.

You turned that all upside down.

You showed me that there is so much more to TV viewing and that I shouldn’t be afraid to raise my expectations. Because I deserve more. Because I am worth it. Until you, I never believed.

I know we’ve had our share of misunderstandings. I said some things I really didn’t mean a few weeks ago when I thought you forgot to record the eviction-ceremony-episode of Big Brother. When I figured out that CBS had changed the name in the program guide from Big Brother: Til Death Do Us Part to Big Brother 9 and I apologized I know you said you forgave me, but I also know you were deeply hurt. You must have felt as if I had been just using you all this time. I can never say “I’m sorry” enough. And, I feel I have to tell you once more from my heart that no matter what I said, I never thought you were a WorthlessPieceofShit.

Shh. Don’t cry.
We’ll get past it honey.

You are one of the best parts of my life. With your Fast-Forward button, you have made it possible for me to skip commercials entirely, freeing up 27% more time to watch other shows. With your Delete, you have given me the freedom to pick and choose which pieces of Oprahganda to expose myself and my family to. With your Series Record Option, you have given me the ability to keep up with the Kardashians.

For all that, and SO MUCH MORE, I sincerely thank you.

Don’t ever change.

Yours til death or the next big thing comes along whichever’s first,
Jenny