Emma leaves me speechless again

Posted on 31 Oct 2006 by Jenny

Last week I came to the grips with the fact that I could no longer put off doing my Fifth Least Favorite Thing To Do With My Kids.

Shoe shopping with my two youngest.

I decided to take a couple of members of my posse as back-ups since I wanted to be smart this time. [Actually, I wanted to be DRUNK this time, but I was the one driving.] Lucky for me, my mother and my aunt went kicking and screaming along with us to help.

The five of us packed into the Expedition and headed out for our trip to the mall, Mom and I in the front, Emma, Katelynn, and Aunt Patty in the second row.

Emma and Katelynn were being uncharacteristically quiet little angels during the car trip, thanks to the Tootsie Pops Aunt Patty had bought them as a bribe. God love that woman.

We were pretty close to being there when Aunt Patty broke the silence.

“Emma, do you know what seeing you eating a sucker reminds me of?”

Keep reading . . .

Filed under: Parenting & Marriage

This is NOT the job I applied for.

Posted on 29 Oct 2006 by Jenny

It’s a little past noon on Sunday, people. Here’s the count:

Pee output not made by me but cleaned up by me: 2

Both by Katelynn. Both on my two-year-old deep pile winter-wheat-colored frieze carpet. And Naked Potty Training HAD been going so. well.

Poop output not made by me but cleaned up by me: 3*

Two (yes two) by Katelynn, in her diaper, both within thirty minutes of the discontinuation of Naked Potty Training for today. One by Maddie, our grouchy long-haired Chihuahua, on my two-year-old deep pile winter- . . . oh, hell, you get the picture.

Hope you’re having an outstanding Sunday as well. But for good reasons.

Later.

* edited to add — Up the poop count to FOUR y’all. Emma didn’t feel like wiping her own butt today and besides God is punishing me for not going to church.

Filed under: Parenting & Marriage

Top Nine Weird Things About Me

Posted on 25 Oct 2006 by Jenny

As promised, I gave it two minutes a lot of thought, and came up with a list of nine weird things about myself. And despite the fact that coming up with NINE WEIRD THINGS about myself alone was enough to wear me out, I even expressed number one in a drawing. You’re welcome.

9. I eat with my left hand, but do everything else with my right.

8. As a [stupid] fourth-grader, I rolled a piece of Scotch tape backwards, put it on the end of a pencil, and stuck it in my left ear because I have no idea why. When I couldn’t get it out, I told my teacher I had an earache so she would let me go to the school nurse. The [blind] school nurse looked in my ear, but saw nothing unusual, so life went on. A year or so later, my [very observant] pediatrician noticed some type of foreign object lodged in my left ear and irrigated the hell out of it until — big surprise coming in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . — a rolled piece of Scotch tape fell out. The reward for my stupidity would be a permanent low-frequency hearing loss and tinnitus in my left ear. In other words, I can’t hear a damn thing in my left ear except the constant ringing in my left ear. [And, no, this experience was not what inspired me to become a nurse.]

Keep reading . . .

Filed under: Life & Style

Father Knows Best

Posted on 22 Oct 2006 by Jenny

I’m making the bed. Rob enters our room in a huff.

Him: “Gawd. She is so bossy.”

Me: “Which one?”

Him: “The little one.”

Me: “What did she do now?”

Him: “Well, she was looking for her Pink Silky and she asked me where it was. I told her it was in her crib and said ‘Go upstairs and get it.’”

Me: “Yeah.”

Him: And she said “No, you go get it.”

Me: “Um-hmm. So, what did you do?”

Him: “I went and got it.”

Me: *raise eyebrows* *stare* *blink* *blink*

But, in all honestly, it was probably for the best. Otherwise, things likely would have escalated into screaming and a tantrum.

And I just can’t take it when Rob cries.

Filed under: Parenting & Marriage